Live. Laugh. Brainbustaaa!

Look. I love cool wrestling moves. Who doesn’t?

I’m sure some weirdo out there probably hates cool moves but I doubt there’s very many of them. Without cool wrestling moves, wrestling itself would be a lot less wrestle-y. There’d be these awesome entrances and music and dope attire and then the bell would ring and it would be a 25 minute attempt to put someone in a headlock until one of the competitors just tapped out of boredom. No fun.

We all have our favorite moves. Some I enjoy casually like a Ricky Steamboat-style arm drag or a perfectly-placed Kazuchika Okada dropkick. Some I flirt with a bit because they are undeniably awesome like a V-Trigger or maybe a Blue Thunder Bomb.

But there is just one type of move that I would give up everything for and marry.

Head Trauma. These are my favorite kinds of moves. 

Anything where the implication (and hopefully not the reality) is that a person is dropped on their head. A Tiger Driver. A DDT. Piledrivers of all varieties. We all know that any of those moves done in real life, were such a thing possible, are very likely fatal or would render someone paralyzed. And being a psychopath of some sort, that appeals to me.

But there is one move that stands alone. One move to rule them all. One move that, when executed perfectly, is majestic and terrifying in equal measure. And that move, babes…is the brainbuster.

Now in Japan, even a standard vertical suplex is called a brainbuster but we’re not talking about vertical goddamn suplexes. No we are NOT. While a vertical suplex is cool enough, there is no head trauma involved and that is deeply upsetting to me. This is why the brainbuster is so goddamn special.

It’s not called a BRAINBUSTER for ironic affect. It’s called that because it breaks your goddamn brain. A wrestler lifts their opponent just as they would for a vertical suplex but, instead of just falling backwards and hoping it hurts, these sick fucks stall their opponent at maximum vertical position, upsidedown and then fall down with an urgency that results in their opponent landing directly upon their fucking head. 

BWAHAHAHAHAHA YES! YESSSSSSS!!!!! DIE! DIE! DIE!

Ahem…scientifically speaking (and I am nothing if not a scientist), this move has the opponent’s head crashing into the mat from a higher position than a Tiger Driver, DDT, or Piledriver. How it is not the end of any match in which it is used is beyond me. 

There are many practitioners of the brainbuster but only a few masters.

PAC’s brainbuster is essentially flawless. Kyle Fletcher’s avalanche turnbuckle brainbuster is horrific and disgustingly awesome. And Konosuke Takeshita’s “Raging Fire” finisher is a weird, spinning combination of a brainbuster and a Blue Thunder Bomb. Eddie Guerrero’s brainbuster, frequently used in his run as Black Tiger in New Japan, was gorgeous.

But there is one I prefer above all others. And the reason? It’s NOT flawless. It’s NOT pretty (well at least not as pretty as the ones I’ve described). It’s Tomohiro Ishii’s finisher and I love the delivery of it.

Ishii is one of the greatest in-ring competitors I’ve ever seen. What I love about Ishii’s finisher is that he’s short and beefy. His lifts his opponent up in the vertical suplex position, lets them hang in place for a moment or two, and then drops them like a sack of shit right on their fuckin’ skull!

My theory is that a combination of Ishii's innate lack of neck and his mixed human/pitbull DNA gives him the power and technique necessary to execute this move with killer canine precision. Ishii’s brainbuster isn’t a guaranteed win, some have kicked out, but it’s damn close.

My runner up is the greatest light heavyweight of all-time (a fact, not an opinion), Jushin “Thunder” Liger who used the brainbuster as one of his numerous finishers for years. His is  more in the vein of PAC or Eddie Guerrero but the torque and snap of it was incredible. Logically, Liger being part lion/part tiger/part human gave him an edge and is a principle reason he won so many light heavyweight championships.

So what about you? What moves are your favorites? What pops you every time and who does it the best? Tell me in the comments.